​I am Terry Habble and I give this statement of my own free will.

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[Officer: That’s good, Terry, but we just need you tell us what you saw tonight. Anything out of the ordinary.]

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Oh, well I would say the whole night was out of the ordinary. You see, the office is usually a place for work and for calmness, but tonight there was drinking, there was partying and, I mean, even dancing. I only had one drink and I stayed very hydrated for the rest of the night.

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Simon Deer was a the CEO of Caesar, a ridesharing app, and I have to say I didn’t think too much of him. He often made very off-colour jokes, and the joke he made tonight during his speech to the entire workforce was a prime example of that.

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My job was to organise the Secret Santa, which I did by giving everyone a number and then putting them onto a spreadsheet, and having that spreadsheet assign who would be getting what gift.

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[Officer: Thank you Terry, we do how Secret Santa works.]

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I just thought I would point out that I thought it was very rude that three people did not turn up to collect their gift after all the work I put in.

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[Officer: Who were those people?]

I would have to consult my spreadsheet to know.